


Escapology

by amaresu



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 02:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaresu/pseuds/amaresu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Escape, evade, blow shit up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Escapology

**Author's Note:**

  * For [casinoquality](https://archiveofourown.org/users/casinoquality/gifts).



> Many, many, thanks to [Kate](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kisahawklin) for her beta.

“Who does this?” Jensen asked as he rattled the chain stretched between them. Cougar rolled his head and looked pointedly at the men standing guard around the perimeter of the courtyard. “Well, yes, obviously them. Thank you so much for your input.”

Cougar grinned at him and Jensen smiled back, because yeah, he kinda deserved that. He shifted on the hard ground trying to find a way to sit that was at least mildly comfortable before ending up on his back, ankles crossed, looking at the manacle around his wrist as he raised his left hand above his head. “At least they left me my glasses.” It was tight, but loose enough that he thought he might be able to squeeze through if he dislocated his thumb. He'd try it when it got dark out if he wasn't able to pick it. Thank god for custom made glasses with hidden wires for lock picking.

Looking over he could see Cougar watching the perimeter of the courtyard, his face weirdly bared to the world without his hat. They were both completely naked, in the middle of a courtyard, the chain that stretched between them staked into the ground, and night coming on quickly. The only thing they'd left them with was Jensen's glasses, probably so they could be sure he'd see the hypothermia coming as the October night got colder. “Stupid Montana arms dealers. What the fuck is Max even doing with these shits?”

“Secessionists,” Cougar muttered, barely audible as he continues his surveillance. Jensen nodded in reply because, yeah, that was a Max sort of thing all over. Bastard. 

They both shivered as a sharp wind swept through the courtyard and moved to sit back to back. It was still a couple hours until sundown and any attempt at escape. Although Jensen figured his first priority would be pants, then shoes, and then maybe a way out of the stupid compound they were trapped in. He didn't hold out any hope for getting his equipment back, but at least he had rigged all of his stuff to self-destruct. “I'm sorry I never made a self-destruct for your hat.”

He could feel Cougar laugh against his back, “No es un problema.” Cougar gently hit his head against the back of Jensen's. 

As it got darker, they huddled closer together, until they were practically in each other's laps by the time it was fully dark. It had the advantage of preserving some warmth and keeping the guards from seeing their hands. Together they were slowly pulling the stake out of the ground. They'd have to move quick once it was out, but Cougar had figured out the best plan of attack and Jensen was just hoping they'd be able to execute it before he lost feeling in his feet. They froze at the sound of someone walking across the gravel of the courtyard and turned their heads to look at Andrew Campbell, the man in charge of this particular group of home-grown patriotism, as well as being responsible for their current predicament. He stopped in front of them and they very carefully hid the two inches of steel they'd managed to pull out of the ground, “It's only going to get colder. Tell me where you put the information you stole and I'll let you come inside.”

Jensen didn't need to see Cougar's face to know he was glaring at the man next to Campbell. The man was wearing Cougar's hat and visibly shifted somewhat uneasily before smiling smugly at Cougar and tipping the brim in his direction. Jensen grabbed Cougar's wrist to keep him from doing anything stupid and grinned up at Campbell, “I take it you didn't find anything on my computers?”

The angry scowl and kick to the stomach was the only answer he got, but it said everything he needed to know about how well his self-destruct programming had worked. He lost the smile while gasping for breath, but at least Cougar was focused on him and not the guy wearing his hat. Campbell waited until he stopped coughing before spitting on the ground next to where they were sitting, “Freeze to death out here then.”

“Seriously, this shit is fucked man,” Jensen said as Campbell and his followers walked away. “What kind of sick fuck thinks this is a good way to get information out of somebody? I mean, let's face it, hypothermia isn't that bad once you stop shivering.”

He kept up the steady stream of word vomit about hypothermia as the guards resumed their positions and Campbell walked inside. Once they were sure no one was paying attention, if for no other reason than they might have to listen to Jensen, they resumed pulling on the stake. It was ten inches long and had been pounded in with a sledgehammer, but eventually they got it out. Jensen gripped it firmly as a makeshift weapon as Cougar reaffirmed, with some pointed looks, their escape route from the courtyard. 

Jensen nodded and reached up to wiggle the wire out of the ear piece of his glasses and set to work on his cuff. It popped open silently and he passed the wire to Cougar as he slipped the cuff off and re-closed it. Once Cougar was free he took the chain, letting the heavy cuffs hang from the end. Jensen gripped the spike and couldn't help but whisper, “It's so nice when the bad guys give us weapons.”

Cougar grinned before setting himself up to run at the guards at the south end of the courtyard. Jensen had the ones at the north. Two entrances, two sets of guards, they'd need to be quick to keep the alarm from being raised. Jensen took one more look at the windows facing out into the courtyard and confirmed they were still dark-which didn't mean there wasn't anyone watching, but they'd have to chance it. 

It was quick, if somewhat bloody work, but in the end they each had clothes, boots, and two dead bodies to set up as decoys in the courtyard. They pushed the extra bodies into the corners and could only hope that the shadows kept them from being noticed long enough for them to make a head start. Standing to the side of the south entrance Jensen whispered, “If we're quick we should be able to get to the outer wall of this place before anyone notices.”

Cougar shook his head and flicked his eyes upwards, “Hat.”

“Fuck, I really need to make a self-destruct for that thing,” Jensen said softly. It was a little known fact that Cougar, much like Abraham Lincoln once had, kept stuff in his hat. Practical things like his Dope book and the SD card holding all of the arms dealing information Jensen had taken off the computers before they were caught, as well as the not-so-practical things like pictures of the entire team and their families. Which Jensen didn't normally worry about because he could usually trust that if the hat was compromised than Cougar was dead, but not this time. “Okay, hat.”

Not that either of them had any idea where to look for the guy who'd been wearing it. It was going to be like looking for a needle in a very explosive haystack. The compound was huge and the only thing they knew about the guy was that he was close enough to Campbell that he got to check on the prisoners with him, which meant they were stuck sneaking down halls and opening doors in the hopes of getting lucky and not dead. 

Just as Jensen found the bathroom that he heard Cougar whistle from down the hall. He pulled back and trotted down to look at what Cougar had found. Inside the room there were piles of guns and C4. “I love arms dealers and their absolutely shitty safety standards.”

Cougar chuckled in response and they both moved in to arm themselves and grab some C4. This could work. 

One small explosion later and the courtyard they'd previously been freezing in was lit up by the cheery glow of trees on fire and all they had to do was wait and see who came running. The man who'd stolen Cougar's hat was among the first to show and, luckily, the first to go running back out once he realized the dead bodies in the middle were his own men. From there it was just a matter of tracking him with the walkie Jensen had stolen and once he was alone in a hallway, Jensen stuck his head out a door and did his best to look surprised to see him. 

It was kinda sad how predictable he acted as he immediately ran after Jensen rather than calling for backup. Two steps through the door and Cougar was behind him taking the hat off his head before killing him with a quick jerk of his hands. Jensen sighed. “The hat first? Really?”

Cougar sniffed while running a hand inside the hat to make sure everything was still there. Because Cougar really was a pretty, pretty, princess about certain things. And Jensen was going to buy that game and give it to his niece and bribe her into making Cougar play it so he could get photographic proof of this hidden truth. Cougar may have fooled everyone else, but Jensen had him figured out. 

Cougar gave a satisfied nod and put the hat on. 

Jensen grinned, “We good?”

Cougar pulled out the detonator for the rest of the C4 they'd planted and pushed the button. Yep, they were good.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who isn't aware of the game: [Pretty Pretty Princess](http://www.amazon.com/Pretty-Princess-Dress-Up-Board-Game/dp/B00000IWHP).


End file.
